Thanks to NewWineskins for the link. I don’t know why it is that I always seem to get linked right before I have to stop blogging for a spell. As it is, I haven’t blogged for the last six weeks. I’ve been struggling with depression and oppression as my grandmother has been slowly slipping away. It’s been a rough couple of years, and lately I’ve found myself feeling kind of lost. God is there with me, but I’ve had trouble forcing myself to be present, losing myself instead in fantasies and daydreams. Now it seems real life has caught up with me once again…
Nana finally died last night. Her dementia had finally progressed to the point that she stopped eating and drinking. It was peaceful and, according to the hospice folks, painless. Apparently, the body naturally stops eating when it’s time for it to die. When that happens, there is no pain for the person–they simply lose all desire for sustenance. My mom is doing OK. The death itself is somewhat of a relief for us, honestly. The Nana I knew and loved had long since gone. But, the loss is also real. A generation, a lifetime of memories. I’m not looking forward to dismantling her house. Then, too, there is my fear that she is now in hell.
Last night, after I received the call, I felt led to 1 Corinthians 15 about the resurrection of Christ and how he will return for the dead. I felt comforted. Perhaps she’s not in hell. Perhaps she is, but either way, I know whom I have believed. I know His kindness and His judgments are perfect.
Anyway, I’m traveling tomorrow to help my mom. Once I get back, I hope to have more energy for blogging and life. I don’t know what God has for me in this next season, but I hope it includes rest…Thank God I’m not in this alone.
I am very sorry for your loss.